Craig Halkett, born on a predictably grim Scottish day, May 29th 1995, finds himself enjoying the ripe old age of 29. Apparently, this man on the tedious side of youth has the gall to call himself a defender, primarily operating within the riveting realm of central defense for the Artistic powerhouse of Hearts. Standing at a completely average 6ft (1.83m), and stocking up on pies to reach 13st 9lb (87kg), he seems perfectly suited for a mid-table habitual misery raiser. And, for some bewildering reason best known to himself and the kit man, Halkett proudly parades the number 4 jersey.
According to Transfermarkt, this rather unexceptional specimen currently commands an estimated market value of about £216k. Ridiculous, really. Still, this saintly warrior has roughly 1 year and an unnecessary 3 months remaining on his Hearts contract, which looks likely to expire on 31st May 2026. Someone fetch me a hankie, the suspense is simply too much.
Once upon a time, in the not so magical year of 2012, our hero Halkett deigned to join Rangers, holding court in the oh-so-pleasant realm of Scottish Premiership. A couple of uneventful years later, evidently in a bid to take on the big boys, Halkett decided to swap the Premiership for a loan spell at Clyde in the high-stakes world of League Two. Over the course of the 2014 - 2015 season, he graced Clyde's first team with his presence a staggering ten times in league matches. Truly awe-inspiring.
Not content to rest on his laurels, in October 2015, he decided it was high time to turn things down a notch and got transferred on loan to Berwick Rangers in the thrilling Lowland League. Here, he outdid himself by making FOUR first team appearances. Unbelievable, truly.
January 2016 saw our Einstein-of-a player bid farewell to Rangers in Premiership to try his luck at Livingston in Championship. Clearly, the abundance of haggis inspired him to an extent, enabling him to accumulate 15 glorious first team appearances and score one monumental goal in his inaugural Livingston season. The subsequent years saw Halkett grow from strength to strength, or so some would argue, culminating in a 2018 - 2019 season in which he made 34 appearances and netted seven goals.
In a move that will surely have Celtic fans gripped by overwhelming indifference, Halkett moved from Livingston to Hearts in the Premiership in July 2019. Since his momentous arrival, Halkett has totted up a variety of appearances and sporadic goals, with the current 2024 - 2025 season seeing him make a grand total of 12 first team appearances, and even score a goal. Miraculous.
Not only content with setting the Scottish Premiership alight with his 'talents', Halkett has also thrown himself into the cutthroat world of the League Cup, Scottish Cup, and, drum roll, please, the Conference League, starting a life-altering ONE match in each competition for Hearts in the 2024 - 2025 season. What a man.
