The Clumpany

Read the latest Celtic news from The Clumpany.

The Clumpany · Mar 14

Guest Blog: Dobbin The Horse Discusses Alex Rae

Neigh. Hang on a minute. Is this translator device working now.? Neigh! No, it’s nae working.

The Clumpany · Mar 7

A Guest Blog By Steven Gerrard

There’s been a lot of talk in the papers and online recently about the performance of my Rangers* side, and about whether I’m happy in the job.

The Clumpany · Feb 25

Patronising Michael Stewart

A STATEMENT ON MICHAEL STEWART Following a complaint from our magnificent benefactor His Grace James Duke of Traynor about an absolutely disgusting foul mouthed tirade, the Headmaster has had a jolly stern word with Michael Stewart and explained in words of one syllable that it is not nice to disrespect your betters...

The Clumpany · Feb 19

Clumpany Enters Market For Imperial Fashion Partner

The Clumpany is beside itself with ecstasy to confirm something about which no one was speculating...

The Clumpany · Feb 18

The Return Of Michael Stewart

Michael Stewart In Shock Return To Airwaves BBC bosses have engineered a ‘dramatic breakthrough’ which will see the outspoken pundit return to Sportsound later this week.

The Clumpany · Feb 15

In Grave Danger Of Drying Out

Good Evening. The Clumpany just had a call from my pal Alan.

The Clumpany · Feb 10

The World’s Most Ludicrous Bridge

Experts have today slammed an “absolutely ridiculous” scheme to build the world’s longest bridge.

The Clumpany · Feb 9

Reasons Not To Support Your Colleagues In The Media

Good Afternoon. The Clumpany’s ethereal ears have been ringing from the silence of many of Michael Stewart’s media colleagues in backing him following his (temporary?

The Clumpany · Feb 2


Good Evening. The Clumpany had a call from my pal Alan earlier today...

The Clumpany · Oct 12, 2019

Cold Shoulder

Good Evening. To the tune of the Plastic Ono Band’s ‘Cold Turkey’ 😉 🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵🎵 The Takeover Panel Their anger is high King has no future It’s pie in the sky May go for a bevvy Wipe this outta his head He wants to be a ‘player’ Credibility dead Cold shoulder has got Dave on the...

The Clumpany · Oct 12, 2019

Dave King’s Hot Shoulder

Good Evening. Almost certainly appearing in an attempted newspaper very soon indeed >>>>>> Scottish Football Should Salute Dave King’s Scorching Shoulder.

The Clumpany · Sep 17, 2019

Like Playing Against Ronnie Barker

Good Evening. Possibly not appearing in an attempted newspaper near you any time soon >>>>>> “Rangers* winger ‘plays like Ronnie Barker’ says Liverpool star Trent Alexander-Arnold The right-back said former Man City youngster Brandon Barker is one of the toughest players he’s come up against, and compared him to his Two Ronnies namesake...

The Clumpany · Sep 15, 2019

No Player Misunderstandings At Sevco

Good Evening. For what it’s worth, this is the 1,000th Clumpany blog...

The Clumpany · Sep 13, 2019

Pure Jim-agination

Continue reading “Pure Jim-agination” on The Clumpany.

The Clumpany · Mar 2, 2019

Long Live The King

Good Evening. The Clumpany hears tidings of a major disturbance in Leicester in recent days...

The Clumpany · Feb 19, 2019

An Update From The Keeper Of Squirrels

Good Evening. The Clumpany finds itself able to bring you some truly shocking wildlife news.

The Clumpany · Feb 19, 2019

Stewart Robertson’s Four Point Plan To Improve Sportscene

Hi. I’m Stewart Robertson. I’m definitely not Jim Traynor.

The Clumpany · Feb 18, 2019

Gerrard’s Bus

Good Evening. To the tune of The Who’s ‘Magic Bus’ >>>>>> Every time they manage to lose.

The Clumpany · Dec 31, 2018

An End-Of-Year Rant

Good Evening. I would just to take this opportunity to wish the eternally patient readers of this increasingly intermittent blog a very happy New Year.

The Clumpany · Dec 30, 2018

How To Celebrate A Sevco Victory

Good Evening. Overheard in a pub a short while ago.

The Clumpany · Dec 30, 2018

RIP Celtic Football Club 2016-18

Good Evening. Let’s be clear about something. No one in their right mind wants to see a football ‘club’ or fan base that laughs in the face of 276 creditors, and every single tax payer in the United Kingdom be successful...

The Clumpany · Dec 28, 2018

Top Journo Carpeted For ‘O** F***’ Mistake

Good Evening. Not appearing in tomorrow’s attempted newspapers >>>>>> Careless hack given “mother of all b*llockings” by furious top brass at famous Scottish paper.

The Clumpany · Dec 24, 2018

The Christmas List

Good Evening. It would be remiss of The Clumpany not to take time out from an evening of mulled Buckie and Bleach to wish you all a very happy Christmas...

The Clumpany · Nov 4, 2018

A Handy Guide To The Latest Sevco Accounts

Good Evening. Yes I know that the accounts published last week were those of RIFC, which is different to the engine room subsidiary once known as Sevco Scotland (or is it Sevco 5088?!

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