Meet John Souttar, born 25 September 1996, a Scottish-born, rather robust defender who oddly finds himself currently in residence with Rangers. Topping the scales at 11st 11lb (75kg) and stretching the tape at a pleasing 6ft 2in (1.88m), he is a formidable presence in the heart of defence, faithfully sporting the number 5 jersey. He has, it seems, also managed to work his way into the fold with the Scotland national team. Adorable, isn't it?
Souttar, began his professional journey with Dundee United in the halcyon days of 2012, graduating from trainee to first team stalwart at a respectable pace. Over the course of four seasons, from 2012-2016, he appeared on the pitch in league matches a total of 63 times , and rather surprisingly managed to put the ball between the sticks once. Charming, really.
His efforts in Dundee strongly seduced Hearts to part with their precious £150k to secure his services in February 2016. While at Hearts, Souttar graced the pitch for a total of 120 league outings across six seasons (2015-2021), and managed to catapult the ball into the net a whole five times. Breathtaking stuff, truly.
In July 2022, he fluttered his eyelashes at the big wigs at Rangers and found himself transferred post-haste. So far, over the course of three and a half seasons (2022-2026), he's proudly worn the Rangers blue in 86 league matches and scored a staggering four goals. Yes, that's right, four. Propping up the back line for the 2025 - 2026 League Cup and the Scottish Cup, and bravely turning out for the World Cup Qualifiers Europe 2024 - 2026 for Scotland, as well as the Champions League Qualifiers and Europa League devotees for Rangers in the same year, one can't help but admire his commitment to appearing in contests of questionable importance.
So, there we have it. The illustrious career of John Souttar encapsulated in a few unwaveringly cynical paragraphs. Sure to be etched into the annals of Scottish football history. Or, you know, not.
