Introducing, the prodigiously overpriced, Mikey Moore. Born on a presumably sunny August 11 in the year of 2007, making him the ripe old age of 18, Mikey plies his trade in the position of a forward – left winger, to be specific – for Scotland's own Rangers. He stands at a barely budding 5ft 10in (1.8m), and carries around 11st 11lb (75kg) of muscle and ego on his young frame, neatly packaged in a jersey so freshly pressed, it might as well come directly from the kit man every match. The number 47 is emblazoned on his back, a sign of the small army that must surely maintain his multi-million-pound value.
Speaking of which, his current market value is to the tune of £14m, or thereabouts, at least that's what the number crunchers over at Transfermarkt reckon. And who are we to argue with their arithmetic?
A brief history of Moore's inglory days starts in the July of the year of grace 2022, when he took his talents (all two of them) to a team South of the border, by name Tottenham Hotspur. In football jargon, we'd say he joined the Premier league, but let's not split hairs. Sticky patch that one was, as Mikey only managed to squeeze himself onto the field for a paltry twelve first team games in two English seasons. Can't say we missed him much.
After that sorry spell, the kid only went and got himself transferred from the Spurs to Rangers in August 2025, still on loan, mind you. It was all hush-hush, you understand. The boy's done a bit better North of the border, with 23 first team appearances and five goals in his inaugural Scottish season, better than any of his efforts at Tottenham by far.
And wouldn't you know it, Moore's been busy in the cups too, popping up in the League Cup, the Scottish Cup, not to mention a cameo or two in the Champions League Qualifiers and the Europa League. A jack of all trades, our Mikey, but clearly a master of none.
