The Clumpany

Read the latest Celtic news from The Clumpany. Follow @TheClumpany on Twitter.

The Clumpany · Jul 9

Sevco’s Medieval Approach

Good Evening. Probably not appearing in any attempted newspapers >>>>> We are a building a fortress here says Arfield The Rangers midfielder saw encouraging signs of fortification during the Light Blues’ truly magnificent 6-0 friendly victory against English high-fliers Bury.

The Clumpany · Jul 9
The Clumpany · Jul 8

How To Buy An Orange Sevco Top

Good Evening. Overheard on the streets of Glasgow >>>>>> William: “Hi Billy.” Billy: “Hi pal.

The Clumpany · Jul 8
The Clumpany · Jul 8

What’s The Problem With Roman Catholicism?

Good Afternoon. Let’s stray away from football for a few minutes and consider the above question.

The Clumpany · Jul 8
The Clumpany · Jul 8

His Big Mikeness Strikes Again

Good Evening. The Clumpany has greatly enjoyed the MSM’s coverage of His Big Mikeness’s latest legal manoeuvrings, which threaten to hinder sales of Sevco merchandise.

The Clumpany · Jul 8
The Clumpany · Jul 6

Giving Fck All To Sevco

Good Evening. Not appearing in an attempted newspaper any time soon >>>>>> New Signing Says “Fck That” The Ibrox outfit’s latest signing is determined to crush Celtic in his own unique way.

The Clumpany · Jul 6
The Clumpany · Jul 6

Stevie G’s Miracle Cure

Good Evening. The Clumpany didn’t see this advert anywhere >>>>>> Introducing! Sevco Pharmaceuticals are delighted to introduce a product which will revolutionise medical science.

The Clumpany · Jul 6
The Clumpany · Jul 1

Sunday Newspapers Need To Move To A Different Day

Good Evening Not appearing in a Sunday newspaper any time soon...

The Clumpany · Jul 1
The Clumpany · Jun 29

Throwing Out The Trash

Good Morning.Glasgow City Council hasn’t issued the following waste recycling guidance 😉>>>>>>Green Bin Recycling What is it?

The Clumpany · Jun 29
The Clumpany · Jun 26

A War That Celtic Cannot Win

Good Evening. Probably not in tomorrow’s attempted newspapers >>>>>> Stevie G And Walter Go To War With Celtic The Champions League-winning Champions League winner plans to hold a summit with the Gers icon to formulate a plan to destroy Celtic.

The Clumpany · Jun 26
The Clumpany · Jun 25

Don’t Mention The Bus

Don’t. Just don’t, OK. Do not mention any buses.

The Clumpany · Jun 25
The Clumpany · Jun 24

Steven Gerrard Begs For Walter Smith’s Help

Good Evening. I am sure that I haven’t read this in an attempted newspaper somewhere >>>>>> Steven Gerrard Begs For Walter’s Help The Champions League-winning Champions League winner has probably indicated that he would break every bone in his body with an iron bar for the chance to benefit from the unique Rangers-tastic insights that...

The Clumpany · Jun 24
The Clumpany · Jun 24

The Worst Book I’ve Never Read

Title: The Squad Author: Phil Mac Giolla Bhain Genre: Thriller Publisher: Frontline Noir Help other online shoppers by entering your rating and review below.

The Clumpany · Jun 24
The Clumpany · Jun 23

A Holiday With Club Sevco

Good Evening. Having seen some recent sun-drenched, pre-season, Sevco-chasing reports from the Scottish football media’s finest, The Clumpany is delighted to be able to bring you an exclusive holiday offer in association with Flights of Fancy Ltd...

The Clumpany · Jun 23
The Clumpany · Jun 23

Steven Gerrard’s Shocking Discovery

Good Afternoon. Possibly not appearing in an attempted newspaper any time soon >>>>>> “Witchcraft!” Cry Rangers Fans As Gerrard Shocks Glasgow.

The Clumpany · Jun 23
The Clumpany · Jun 22

If I Had A Pound…

Good Afternoon. If I had a pound for every time Neymar fell to the ground during a game at the World Cup I would do the following with the proceeds Build a state-of-the-art lab somewhere on the outskirts of Glasgow...

The Clumpany · Jun 22
The Clumpany · Jun 19

England Will Win The World Cup

Good Evening. Here is a transcript of the TV punditry which followed England’s victory over Tunisia in the World Cup last night.

The Clumpany · Jun 19
The Clumpany · Jun 16

Steven Gerrard Will Do Stuff

Good Evening. Probably appearing in all newspapers in the coming days >>>>>> At Rangers The Kop-tastic Kop Legend will do stuff at Rangers according to our carefully selected and on-message vacuous pundits.

The Clumpany · Jun 16
The Clumpany · Jun 16

Genuine Savile Row Clothes

Good Evening. The Clumpany would like to make it known that the jacket I am wearing is from Savile Row.

The Clumpany · Jun 16
The Clumpany · Jun 16

Taking The Alternative View

Good Evening. I have no personal interest in the compensation-related issue which has excited many a Celtic fan today.

The Clumpany · Jun 16
The Clumpany · Jun 3

A Complete And Utter Piss-Take

Good Evening. Not appearing in tomorrow’s papers >>>>>> An Early Splash Of Success The new Rangers manager is relieved to have started climbing the bladder of success at a remarkably early stage of his Ibrox-based managerial career.

The Clumpany · Jun 3
The Clumpany · Jun 3

A Disgraceful Conflict Of Interest

Good Afternoon. It has come to The Clumpany’s attention that large numbers of administrators in the SFA and SPFL are fatally compromised.

The Clumpany · Jun 3
The Clumpany · May 26

Putting Timmy In His Place

Good Afternoon. The Clumpany just had a call from my good pal Alan.

The Clumpany · May 26
The Clumpany · May 23

Only ‘Shaking’ Titles Count

Good Evening . The Clumpany has been deep in emergency conversion with a group of Sevco fans and feels compelled to update you on the outcome The conclave was hastily-convened to consider the merits of Celtic winning an unprecedented Scottish double-Treble...

The Clumpany · May 23
Load More That's all Folks!
View the latest Celtic news
Half Hour Hoops · Jul 17

HHH #31 Bronze Boyata

Peter and Stephen catch up on the latest Celtic news and our final world cup round up...

Half Hour Hoops · Jul 17

TMT#141 – It’s Coming Home

Welcome to the latest episode of Twenty Minute Tims.

Si Ferry Meets… Russell Anderson – Aberdeen Glory Days, Dark Days, Managers and Characters

The Aberdeen legend, Russell Anderson sits down with Si to talk about his long career with the Dons from the early dark days to the glory of lifting the League Cup in front of 40 Thousand Dons fans in 2014...

View fixtures League table

TeamPWDLFAGDPts
1 Aberdeen 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
2 Celtic 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
3 Dundee 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
4 Hamilton Academical 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
5 Hearts 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
6 Hibernian 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
7 Kilmarnock 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
8 Livingston 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
9 Motherwell 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
10 “Rangers” 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
11 St Johnstone 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0
12 St Mirren 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

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