The Clumpany

Read the latest Celtic news from The Clumpany. Follow @TheClumpany on Twitter.

The Clumpany · Dec 31, 2018

An End-Of-Year Rant

Good Evening. I would just to take this opportunity to wish the eternally patient readers of this increasingly intermittent blog a very happy New Year.

The Clumpany · Dec 31, 2018
The Clumpany · Dec 30, 2018

RIP Celtic Football Club 2016-18

Good Evening. Let’s be clear about something. No one in their right mind wants to see a football ‘club’ or fan base that laughs in the face of 276 creditors, and every single tax payer in the United Kingdom be successful...

The Clumpany · Dec 30, 2018
The Clumpany · Dec 28, 2018

Top Journo Carpeted For ‘O** F***’ Mistake

Good Evening. Not appearing in tomorrow’s attempted newspapers >>>>>> Careless hack given “mother of all b*llockings” by furious top brass at famous Scottish paper.

The Clumpany · Dec 28, 2018
The Clumpany · Dec 24, 2018

The Christmas List

Good Evening. It would be remiss of The Clumpany not to take time out from an evening of mulled Buckie and Bleach to wish you all a very happy Christmas...

The Clumpany · Dec 24, 2018
The Clumpany · Nov 4, 2018

A Handy Guide To The Latest Sevco Accounts

Good Evening. Yes I know that the accounts published last week were those of RIFC, which is different to the engine room subsidiary once known as Sevco Scotland (or is it Sevco 5088?!

The Clumpany · Nov 4, 2018
The Clumpany · Nov 4, 2018

Urgent Medical Problems

Good Evening. The Clumpany understands that the medical services of Scotland and all other places in which the SPFL is followed are standing by for an influx of people seeking urgent relief for a hitherto unexpected ailment...

The Clumpany · Nov 4, 2018
The Clumpany · Nov 4, 2018

Morons On An Equalities Awareness Course

Good Evening. At a hypothetical equalities awareness course somewhere in Scotland...

The Clumpany · Nov 4, 2018
The Clumpany · Nov 2, 2018

Neil Lennon’s List Of Shame

Good Evening. Here is a list of events, and an indication of the sorts of reactions they have variously produced over many years...

The Clumpany · Nov 2, 2018
The Clumpany · Nov 1, 2018

In Defence Of Neil Lennon

Good Evening. The title of this blog is a lie. I have no defence of Neil Lennon to offer.

The Clumpany · Nov 1, 2018
The Clumpany · Sep 23, 2018

Having Rangers’ Sh*t On Your Doorstep

Good Evening. The Clumpany loves a bit of gossip about the Scottish sports media’s finest.

The Clumpany · Sep 23, 2018
The Clumpany · Sep 23, 2018

Celtic’s Complacency Trap

Good Evening. Celtic are an absolute shoe-in to win the league this and every season, aren’t they?

The Clumpany · Sep 23, 2018
The Clumpany · Sep 19, 2018

How Rangers FC Was Shafted In 2008

Good Evening. Further to a number of non-stories from Scottish sport’s most self-respecting journalists and reputation-conscious media outlets, The Clumpany has been given some devastating information about the activities of a “prominent chairman of a club”* at the end of season 2007-8...

The Clumpany · Sep 19, 2018
The Clumpany · Sep 15, 2018

Stop Complaining, The SFA Is Right

Good Evening. The Clumpany noted with some mirth that the manager of Kilmarnock and the statement writer of Aberdeen FC have spoken out about horrendously inconsistent decision making by the SFA-overseen disciplinary process this season.

The Clumpany · Sep 15, 2018
The Clumpany · Sep 5, 2018

Celtic’s World Beating Transfer Window

Good Morning. The Clumpany was happy to pick up an award on behalf of the Celtic board last night.

The Clumpany · Sep 5, 2018
The Clumpany · Sep 4, 2018

The Gap Is Finally Narrowing

Good Evening. A few days ago, The Clumpany put an anvil and a racehorse next to each other.

The Clumpany · Sep 4, 2018
The Clumpany · Sep 4, 2018

Beheading For Sevco!

Good Evening. Surely The Clumpany will hear this on the radio in the not-too-distant future?!

The Clumpany · Sep 4, 2018
The Clumpany · Aug 11, 2018

Strangling The Goose That Lays The Golden Eggs

Good Evening. It has come to The Clumpany’s attention that a progressive, imaginative and ambitious golden egg-laying goose has wandered into the vicinity of Celtic Park.

The Clumpany · Aug 11, 2018
The Clumpany · Aug 11, 2018

What The Hell Is Going On At Celtic?

Good Afternoon. Surely not appearing on any Celtic-flavoured site or forum at any point 😉 >>>>>> Let’s All Shrug Our Shoulders According to well-informed sources close to Celtic Football Club no one has any idea whatsoever why the manager might be unhappy...

The Clumpany · Aug 11, 2018
The Clumpany · Aug 5, 2018

Is Steven Gerrard Paranoid?

Good Evening. The Clumpany has seen a number of folk commenting that Steven Gerrard appeared paranoid after today’s draw against an Aberdeen side so poor that they were mistaken for Sevco’s bank account early in the second half...

The Clumpany · Aug 5, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 29, 2018

The Day I Saw The Beatles Perform Live

Good Evening. The Clumpany would like to share a very personal reminiscence with my long suffering readers.

The Clumpany · Jul 29, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 27, 2018

Sevco’s Reply To Celtic’s Statement

Good Evening. Not coming to a ‘club’, ‘holding company’ or ‘engine room subsidiary’ website any time soon .

The Clumpany · Jul 27, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 27, 2018

How To Back A Guaranteed Winner

Good Evening. The Clumpany doesn’t usually take an interest in gambling, but my good pal Alan – who I haven’t seen in ages – called last night to alert me to “the hottest prospect in the entire history of horse racing.” Alan tells me that this two year-old, four-legged wonder will be making his debut...

The Clumpany · Jul 27, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 9, 2018

Sevco’s Medieval Approach

Good Evening. Probably not appearing in any attempted newspapers >>>>> We are a building a fortress here says Arfield The Rangers midfielder saw encouraging signs of fortification during the Light Blues’ truly magnificent 6-0 friendly victory against English high-fliers Bury.

The Clumpany · Jul 9, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 8, 2018

How To Buy An Orange Sevco Top

Good Evening. Overheard on the streets of Glasgow >>>>>> William: “Hi Billy.” Billy: “Hi pal.

The Clumpany · Jul 8, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 8, 2018

What’s The Problem With Roman Catholicism?

Good Afternoon. Let’s stray away from football for a few minutes and consider the above question.

The Clumpany · Jul 8, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 8, 2018

His Big Mikeness Strikes Again

Good Evening. The Clumpany has greatly enjoyed the MSM’s coverage of His Big Mikeness’s latest legal manoeuvrings, which threaten to hinder sales of Sevco merchandise.

The Clumpany · Jul 8, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 6, 2018

Giving Fck All To Sevco

Good Evening. Not appearing in an attempted newspaper any time soon >>>>>> New Signing Says “Fck That” The Ibrox outfit’s latest signing is determined to crush Celtic in his own unique way.

The Clumpany · Jul 6, 2018
The Clumpany · Jul 6, 2018

Stevie G’s Miracle Cure

Good Evening. The Clumpany didn’t see this advert anywhere >>>>>> Introducing! Sevco Pharmaceuticals are delighted to introduce a product which will revolutionise medical science.

The Clumpany · Jul 6, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 29, 2018

Throwing Out The Trash

Good Morning.Glasgow City Council hasn’t issued the following waste recycling guidance 😉>>>>>>Green Bin Recycling What is it?

The Clumpany · Jun 29, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 26, 2018

A War That Celtic Cannot Win

Good Evening. Probably not in tomorrow’s attempted newspapers >>>>>> Stevie G And Walter Go To War With Celtic The Champions League-winning Champions League winner plans to hold a summit with the Gers icon to formulate a plan to destroy Celtic.

The Clumpany · Jun 26, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 25, 2018

Don’t Mention The Bus

Don’t. Just don’t, OK. Do not mention any buses.

The Clumpany · Jun 25, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 24, 2018

Steven Gerrard Begs For Walter Smith’s Help

Good Evening. I am sure that I haven’t read this in an attempted newspaper somewhere >>>>>> Steven Gerrard Begs For Walter’s Help The Champions League-winning Champions League winner has probably indicated that he would break every bone in his body with an iron bar for the chance to benefit from the unique Rangers-tastic insights that...

The Clumpany · Jun 24, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 24, 2018

The Worst Book I’ve Never Read

Title: The Squad Author: Phil Mac Giolla Bhain Genre: Thriller Publisher: Frontline Noir Help other online shoppers by entering your rating and review below.

The Clumpany · Jun 24, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 23, 2018

A Holiday With Club Sevco

Good Evening. Having seen some recent sun-drenched, pre-season, Sevco-chasing reports from the Scottish football media’s finest, The Clumpany is delighted to be able to bring you an exclusive holiday offer in association with Flights of Fancy Ltd...

The Clumpany · Jun 23, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 23, 2018

Steven Gerrard’s Shocking Discovery

Good Afternoon. Possibly not appearing in an attempted newspaper any time soon >>>>>> “Witchcraft!” Cry Rangers Fans As Gerrard Shocks Glasgow.

The Clumpany · Jun 23, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 22, 2018

If I Had A Pound…

Good Afternoon. If I had a pound for every time Neymar fell to the ground during a game at the World Cup I would do the following with the proceeds Build a state-of-the-art lab somewhere on the outskirts of Glasgow...

The Clumpany · Jun 22, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 19, 2018

England Will Win The World Cup

Good Evening. Here is a transcript of the TV punditry which followed England’s victory over Tunisia in the World Cup last night.

The Clumpany · Jun 19, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 16, 2018

Steven Gerrard Will Do Stuff

Good Evening. Probably appearing in all newspapers in the coming days >>>>>> At Rangers The Kop-tastic Kop Legend will do stuff at Rangers according to our carefully selected and on-message vacuous pundits.

The Clumpany · Jun 16, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 16, 2018

Genuine Savile Row Clothes

Good Evening. The Clumpany would like to make it known that the jacket I am wearing is from Savile Row.

The Clumpany · Jun 16, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 16, 2018

Taking The Alternative View

Good Evening. I have no personal interest in the compensation-related issue which has excited many a Celtic fan today.

The Clumpany · Jun 16, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 3, 2018

A Complete And Utter Piss-Take

Good Evening. Not appearing in tomorrow’s papers >>>>>> An Early Splash Of Success The new Rangers manager is relieved to have started climbing the bladder of success at a remarkably early stage of his Ibrox-based managerial career.

The Clumpany · Jun 3, 2018
The Clumpany · Jun 3, 2018

A Disgraceful Conflict Of Interest

Good Afternoon. It has come to The Clumpany’s attention that large numbers of administrators in the SFA and SPFL are fatally compromised.

The Clumpany · Jun 3, 2018
The Clumpany · May 26, 2018

Putting Timmy In His Place

Good Afternoon. The Clumpany just had a call from my good pal Alan.

The Clumpany · May 26, 2018
The Clumpany · May 23, 2018

Only ‘Shaking’ Titles Count

Good Evening . The Clumpany has been deep in emergency conversion with a group of Sevco fans and feels compelled to update you on the outcome The conclave was hastily-convened to consider the merits of Celtic winning an unprecedented Scottish double-Treble...

The Clumpany · May 23, 2018
Load More That's all Folks!
View the latest Celtic news

ByTheMinCeltic Podcast #126

A special mid-season podcast. Remy McSwain and Lawrence Donegan joined by Paul Thomson to answer listeners’ questions.

90 Minute Cynic · Jan 15

The One With The Transfer Committee

Welcome to the 90 Minute Cynic Podcast (@90minutecynic) with host Chris Gallagher joined by a panel of Chris Boud, Louis McCaffrey and Christian Wulff. We chat about a lot of different things in this episode and touch on: ✍️Stephen McManus 🇫🇷 Ntcham 🐏 McKenna 🗒️Transfer Committee Experience The Transfer Committee Paperwork link is available via Twitter and on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter: @90MinuteCynic Facebook.com/90minutecynic...

90 Minute Cynic · Jan 15
Half Hour Hoops · Jan 15

HHH #55 Half Term Report Part 2

Peter and Stephen are back with a bumper episode. We go thru the players and ask who deserves pass marks or who needs to leave as we rebuild the squad.

Half Hour Hoops · Jan 15

View fixtures League table

TeamPWDLFAGDPts
1 Celtic 20 13 3 4 46 14 32 42
2 “Rangers” 21 12 6 3 43 16 27 42
3 Kilmarnock 21 12 5 4 32 20 12 41
4 Aberdeen 21 12 3 6 34 24 10 39
5 Hearts 21 11 3 7 26 26 0 36
6 St Johnstone 20 10 4 6 25 24 1 34
7 Livingston 21 8 6 7 26 19 7 30
8 Hibernian 21 7 8 6 30 22 8 29
9 Motherwell 21 6 3 12 20 33 -13 21
10 Hamilton Academical 21 4 2 15 14 43 -29 14
11 St Mirren 21 3 3 15 15 39 -24 12
12 Dundee 21 2 4 15 15 46 -31 10

Last match

Celtic 3-0 Airdrie Celtic FC Celtic 3-0 Airdrie at Celtic Park in Glasgow in the Scottish Cup. 2019-01-19T17:15:00+00:00 2019-01-19T19:00:00+00:00
Celtic3-0Airdrieonians
Celtic
 
Airdrie

Scottish Cup
17:15 19 January 2019

Next match

Celtic v St Mirren Celtic FC Celtic v St Mirren at Celtic Park in Glasgow in the Scottish Premiership. 2019-01-23T19:45:00+00:00 2019-01-23T21:30:00+00:00
CelticvSt Mirren
Celtic
 
St Mirren

Scottish Premiership
19:45 23 January 2019